Hey everyone,
Typically, symptoms of ADHD are usually found between adolescence and early teenage years. Sometimes, these symptoms are missed because we actively mistreat these indicators as a different problem such as procrastination. For my whole life, I thought along the same lines. Today I wanted to share my personal experience with ADHD, and how I went through the process of being diagnosed as an adult over the past year. For those who are unfamiliar, ADHD otherwise known as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a neurodevelopmental condition that is most associated with short attention span, impulsivity, and inability to focus on things that produce low stimuli (ie. school work). Being diagnosed as an adult doesn’t mean I developed ADHD, but rather the symptoms became more prominent and noticeable.
It started in 2018, where I learned about ADHD for the first time. I had a friend who was diagnosed explain to me the difference between an ADHD brain and a neurotypical (person without atypical behaviours), and how it impacts their day-to-day life. This was when I started to suspect that I may have a similar condition, and I then reached out to my family doctor for a symptom checklist. However, I felt that I wasn’t experiencing major symptoms and I didn’t bother to follow up with it. Instead, I blamed it on my work ethic and disciple as the source of my issues. It wasn’t until Fall 2020, where I became increasingly convinced of the possibility that I might really have ADHD.
Going into my first full-time semester of classes on Zoom, I was prepared as I understood the challenges of online school regarding the difficulty in managing time. Up until then, I was working full-time during the pandemic, and I thought that after being away from school for so long, I would have the adequate motivation and drive to study. In addition to the uncertainty of not knowing when in-person classes would resume, I felt I had no choice but to learn how to work from home. This profound drive and work ethic was evident up until mid-November where I burnt out. After four years of university, burning out during this time was nothing new. However, I realized that it was a problem when the feeling didn’t go away after a few weeks. Eventually, I even lost joy in the things I used to love doing. I felt like I barely had enough energy to get out of bed, let alone do any schoolwork. I remember reading an article about how the pandemic had led to an increased diagnosis of ADHD, and so I decided to fill out the same symptom checklist I got from my doctor in 2018.
This time, my responses were much different, and my answers were much more definitive. I was then referred to a specialist and they told me it would take three months to get an appointment. This whole process happened during final exam season, where I was barely able to drag myself to study and pass my classes. I was then faced with a difficult decision: do I take classes in next semester or should I wait to see the specialist? I knew that my burnout would not be anywhere near over when the next semester started, and I didn’t want to go through what I did in the latter half of Fall. Although many of my symptoms pointed towards ADHD, it also wasn’t certain that I had it. The pressure from my parents with the thought of me taking a break didn’t sit well with them either. I have never taken a semester off and I never intended to do so. However, as uncomfortable as it was, I chose to prioritize my mental health and dropped all the classes I was enrolled in.
Looking back, this had become one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, and I would strongly encourage anyone who is fighting any mental battle to take time off. School will always be there and one semester off is insignificant in the long run. When I saw the specialist, it was a huge sigh of relief as it felt as though my whole life had been explained to me. Some of the symptoms we discussed were:
- Going to my room to do something but immediately forgetting once I’m there (short term memory)
- Fidget and squirm when I have to sit for long periods (Zoom classes)
- My ability to work feels like it is driven on a motor. Sometimes I have outbursts of energy but rarely that is sustained.
- Having difficulty in concentrating on schoolwork in the environment I was in (at home)
- Excessive daydreaming
The reason why my symptoms of ADHD became much more prominent compared to 2018 was due to the lifestyle change resulting from the lockdown. Moving from an active to a sedentary lifestyle had worsened my symptoms of hyper-activeness, fidgetiness, and difficulty sustaining focus on any given task. It didn’t help that the internet was the only way of communicating with the outside world which developed into a smartphone addiction during lockdown. After taking medication, I found that it not only helped my ability to focus on mundane and boring tasks, it also reduced my anxiety. I realized how much better my ability to speak and form coherent sentences became as my working memory became faster. Due to this, I was able to problem solve and think on my feet much better than I have ever done before.
Before my diagnosis, I found that I was into reading self-help books as a way to manage my disability. I was always trying new routines, habits, and different methods of studying as a way to keep things exciting. It felt as though I was in a constant battle of manipulating or tricking myself to start working. Once the novelty wore off, I felt hopeless and lost. With the added lifestyle changes from the pandemic, my mental health deteriorated to a point where I had to take time off. I always had a slight suspicion that something was not quite right when I had to go such great lengths to complete simple tasks.
If anyone else has gone through something similar during the pandemic, I would love to hear about your experience. My inbox is always open for anyone who wants to talk!
